on being in the muck...

(a re-post from Facebook)

I've spent my day tending to a sick (but slowly recovering) Moriah. She has the flu; no pneumonia (we did a chest X-ray today to be sure). Her fever has broken. I'm so grateful to have had this day with her; she was surprisingly sunny for a girl so sick. She will stay home again tomorrow, too, as she works to fend off this flu.

The truth is this morning I woke up after only a couple hours of sleep feeling a bit sorry for myself. There are lots of things that help me when I feel this way. One is gratitude, and when I woke up on Moriah's floor this morning feeling that bit of self-pity, I looked into her sleeping face and decided to give a lot of thanks for her little life, which is challenged so often. My thanks was suddenly crystal clear: Thank you, God, that she is here. Thank you.

And here's a less spiritual and less high-minded mind trick that works, too: I often turn my attention to folks who are in this muck with me. I spent a very busy day changing pants and Pull-Ups and driving to and from X-ray and attending to a needy girl. But part of the busyness of my day was also the texts and phone calls and voice mails I received. One friend whose son has special needs who was also trekking to a hospital today for tests, and will go back tomorrow for more. Another who cares for her son at home, day in and day out, and messaged me on Facebook. Another who I reached by phone, whose kids with special needs are all sick and all on antibiotics, who was also up a lot of the night last night.

And, of course, Eddie. Our bone marrow transplant friend Eddie. His mom and I have texted back and forth a lot today, and the news has not been good. Eddie has been in the ICU again this past week, and he is in seriously declining health, and he needs a double lung transplant, and soon. Today brought more difficult and painful news--the kind of news that makes a mom's heart almost physically rip in two--and I cried on and off through the day with Eddie's mom today, and prayed for her, and for him.

If you need perspective on your life, friends--if you want to be convinced that you are not being singled out for suffering, or difficulty, or sadness--I'd suggest you befriend a family with special needs near you. Because walking through life with others who are sick, and disabled, and struggling...this is some of the best spiritual medicine I know. It's not a magic bullet. It's life-with. You look up and realize you are surrounded by folks who are in the muck with you, and this does something to your heart, to turn your attention from the muck to the people stuck there with you.

We can't do much about the muck, you and I. We can look up, though, see that we are not alone, find comfort in our community of muck-ers, and pass along to one another what we know about life-as-muckiness.

This is friendship. So to all my dear friends who texted and called and Facebooked me today--to all whose kids are also sick and struggling, fighting for their lives or living with disabilities--thank you for saving me from my pity party today. I wouldn't survive the muck without you. I owe you my sanity, and by that I mean, my life.

Eddie back in the ICU

Dear Friends,

I talked with Kori last night and again this morning; Eddie is not well. There is quite a list of things that are causing difficulty for Eddie, and these things sent him to the ICU again a couple days ago. He's still there today.

For now, delivering meals to them is going to be on hold until their life allows them to return home.

Please continue to pray for Eddie and for Kori. This has been an exhausting week for them both, and also very scary. Yesterday Kori and I talked about why good folks--and innocent children--suffer. We wondered aloud how we can bear up under so much pain. There are not answers to these things. But I was reminded of this past week's Feast of the Holy Innocents (a day within the Christian Church calendar to recall the slaughter of children by Herod at the time of Jesus' birth), and somehow comforted to know that evil, pain, and suffering have been a part of life for a long, long time. In the Christmas story we are reassured that even in the midst of horror, God comes to bring peace. This is unexpected peace--it does not right every wrong, it does not take away all pain. But it is real nonetheless, and good news for those of us who need hope and who can experience spiritual healing in our messy lives. I am praying that somehow, in the midst of such suffering, God will show up for Eddie and Kori in this peace-in-suffering kind of way.

Thank you all for standing with them in this time,
Melissa

update on Eddie

Eddie was sent home from the ICU last week. In order to bring him home, Kori has had to learn a lot about his vent, about suctioning his trach, about CPR. They're getting a lot of nursing care--day and night, though not round the clock--but the burden on Kori has been enormous.

I'm so appreciative of the many of you who have brought them meals last month and this month. She honestly doesn't know how else she'd be making it through this time in her life without your support and the financial support Eddie's Fund is providing them. I think it's fair to say that this season has been the worst since Eddie's diagnosis seven years ago; it is taking its toll on Eddie and on their entire family.

Some of you have asked how to brighten their Christmas holiday. My perspective is that we can be a big blessing to Kori by enabling her to do what all moms want to do--buy gifts for her own kids. Eddie's Fund does not provide Kori with holiday funding because Eddie's Fund only pays for bills, and does so directly to the bill companies. If you'd like to send her money for gifts, or gift cards (Target is nearby, as is CVS) please message me (I'm at mnwinchell at hotmail) and I'll be happy to send you her mailing address.

I'm grateful for the many ways you are providing help to our friends. I never could have imagined that Eddie's journey would impact so many when we started Eddie's Fund six and a half years ago. This Christmas, let's be extra-grateful for the health we have, and use our gratitude to encourage those we know who are suffering. Thank you for being light, hope, and help to Eddie and his family.

Blessings to you all,
Melissa